Dangling, twisting, unrav'ling

The fabric of my lies

You eat your way into my truth

And look me in the eyes

You see now that I lied to you,

Told you I would never care

But darling, every pain you felt

Was one I also shared.

I need to feel alive again.
So many crusty layers of rigid protocol surround my mind and heart, once fresh and vivid with color.
Seeing him again was good for me, far too good.
But now I long for him, to see him, hear him, feel him.
I do wish he'd come back.
As of now that's what I'm living for, why I'm putting up with being shoved in a direction that I don't want to go.
My lungs need fresh air.

Today my mind is a haven of serenity
Though confusion swirls in my world.
I linger in the agony of the unknown
And the stench of Indecision lies heavy and rank in the air.
I do wish I knew what he thought, of me and of himself.
Why hope do I have now?
To hold a thing of wild.
I am happy you don't know what I think of you,
James.

Trapped and caving, silent craving
For the night I knew so well.
Armed for saving, spirit raving
Sullen mystery so fell.

Lovely, icy, crystal soft
Your merry eyes glow cold
Reality and nightmare mix
Your vicious threats grow bold
Squirming in a frosty lie
I claw at broken wings.
And you, my darling, laughing one
Pull at my puppet strings.