Hollow laughter, empty smiles.
He tells me he's fine, but I can see the pleading in his eyes.
Please, they say, give me something to live for. Someone to love. Somewhere to go. Somebody to save.

For my Velvet Sledgehammer

Take my hand, love.
I may be lost, but we can be lost together. You can't mean what you say, that you feel nothing. I love you too much for that. Do you know how much I worry? That you want to die, it frightens me. I would lay down my life any day for yours, but I want you to love yourself. Always there for me, never for yourself. Allow yourself to love, even to trust. You'll learn in time. Try, my darling! Oh just live! You don't have to be anyone's slave, you know it's wrong. Please, live for me, if you can't live for you. Your sorrow has become my own.

A whisper slices through the air
Cutting warmth and swallowing peace
Sent from lips of putrid truth,
A clumsy, hated beast.
You heat draws near and teases me
I want your lull, your trust
But she slipped through, inviting you
Engulfing love with lust.
A bloody scream tears from the throat
Of those who see, and you can't hide
What you have done, my lov-e-ly
And now time I must bide.

I know, this is going to be horrid, but I couldn't say this any other way, so free verse will have to do.

The moon rises, but I can't look.
I used to watch, and think of you,
And the dark feels so secure.
I wish it didn't; but it does.
And nothing he could do helped me.
But you could, couldn't you?
But you don't even know that I'm still breathing.

Dangling, twisting, unrav'ling

The fabric of my lies

You eat your way into my truth

And look me in the eyes

You see now that I lied to you,

Told you I would never care

But darling, every pain you felt

Was one I also shared.

I need to feel alive again.
So many crusty layers of rigid protocol surround my mind and heart, once fresh and vivid with color.
Seeing him again was good for me, far too good.
But now I long for him, to see him, hear him, feel him.
I do wish he'd come back.
As of now that's what I'm living for, why I'm putting up with being shoved in a direction that I don't want to go.
My lungs need fresh air.

Today my mind is a haven of serenity
Though confusion swirls in my world.
I linger in the agony of the unknown
And the stench of Indecision lies heavy and rank in the air.
I do wish I knew what he thought, of me and of himself.
Why hope do I have now?
To hold a thing of wild.
I am happy you don't know what I think of you,
James.

Trapped and caving, silent craving
For the night I knew so well.
Armed for saving, spirit raving
Sullen mystery so fell.

Lovely, icy, crystal soft
Your merry eyes glow cold
Reality and nightmare mix
Your vicious threats grow bold
Squirming in a frosty lie
I claw at broken wings.
And you, my darling, laughing one
Pull at my puppet strings.

Bloody shame and cold regret
Drip down my sides
Out my lips
Floating in a pool of rue
Hate brushes
My fingertips
Beauty dances 'round my head
Teases, taunts my
Sanity
Lovely lies slip off my tongue
I live to kill
Mortality

My lungs ache, tongue craves
That enticing poison, bitter to taste
Forlorn despair seeps through my eyes
My mind reeks of it.
I need it... the desire burns deep,
Consuming ration, caressing and engulfing all other thought.
I want to feel the smooth smoke running down my throat
Pouring over a willing pair of lips.